In parent-child communication, it is critical that parents understand this elementary but often overlooked truth: the child is not a mini-adult -that is, it does not function in the same way as the adult, and the verbal expression that is Must take this into account. Once the child is learning how to communicate, parents need to set the right example by communicating clearly and firmly, enabling the child to respond appropriately to that communication.
There are some behaviors that parents should avoid when interacting verbally with their children. Evaluate if any of the following is present in your communication with your child – a good self-assessment is indispensable for correcting behaviors that may be generating conflicts in your home, hampering family harmony.
What you should avoid in communicating with your young child:
1. Rhetorical Questions: “Have not you got up yet?” “Why is your room still messy?” ” Why do not you pay attention when I say it? “: These questions do not tell your child clear content, but only your sense of dissatisfaction with his behavior. Try instead to describe the action you wish to see performed: “Get up, get the pair of sneakers and put on both feet now”, “Keep your toys in the trunk now”, “Son, look at me When I talk to you. ” The right intention in approaching a child is to educate, not overflow a dissatisfaction that we may have.
In the case of making an order, there is a resource that usually works very well, although its incorporation into everyday speech may require some effort: it is about inserting the verb to want in the request directed to your child . For example: “Son, please wear your coat.” With this expedient, you reinforce the stimulus on the child’s will, favoring obedience to happen.
2. Phrases that show insecurity and lack of self-control: affirmations like “You drive me crazy!”, “You end up with me!” Or empty threats – “You pay me!”, “You’ll see!” Of not communicating any command and therefore being totally ineffective, convey to their son the impression that the father is out of control. If you do not show self-control, you should not expect your child to do so.
Another thing to avoid is the impossible threat – “If you continue like this, I’ll disappear from here and never come back!” – or that will not be fulfilled: “If you do not turn off this videogame, I’ll donate it to a boy of Street! “Speaking by speaking weakens your authority, accustoming your child not to take what you say seriously.
3. Sentimentality in order to manipulate the child: Appealing to emotional blackmail, in addition to being ineffective, can be extremely unnerving to your child. In saying, for example, “I’m disappointed when you do this to me,” you’re only communicating your child’s desire for a need-something complex for a young child to understand. Or, statements like, “You know I give a damn hard, I work all day, to get home and you treat me like that!”, “At your age I had nothing, and you have everything but No value “- in addition to being ineffective, they transfer to their child an unnecessary emotional burden, making him feel guilty for things he is often not to blame.
4. Give sermon: the attention span of a small child is limited; In the case of a sermon, it is almost non-existent. If you spend fifteen seconds explaining why your child can not waste food from the dish, in the fifth he will have disconnected and will not process any more information – at most, you will only experience boredom and deep discomfort, which will manifest through crying. So look for other ways to convey what you want: in the case of the rest of the food on the plate, you can enjoy the moment you witness a person with basic needs and remind your child of the importance of thanking you for the food you have in home.
5. Unnecessary explanations: commands accompanied by many justifications are often ineffective, providing the child with elements of opposition or resistance. Say, “Son, go brush your teeth, because we have to go to bed, because tomorrow is an important day, it is the graduation of your cousin who lives in Quixeramobim, and we have to leave early,” will not cause Your child is more motivated to brush his teeth; On the contrary, it may generate arguments. The best policy is to be brief: “Son, you need to brush your teeth now.” After he has brushed his teeth, tell the story of the cousin who lives in Quixeramobim, who studied for so many years, who will now graduate, etc. So you avoid creating an undue connection between having to brush your teeth and having to do something the next day.
6. Phrases that label the child: say things like, “You are very unloving!”, “You are very disobedient!”, “You do not like to bathe, you little pig!” Undermines the child’s self-esteem by serving as a reinforcement Of the negative characteristic, which will thus tend to take root. Therefore, no labels – even if they are positive, such as: “My son is very intelligent.” In praising, it is better to be specific, praising this or what your child did, than to feed his vanity with generic praise directed to Self-image of the child.
Pay attention to how you approach your child. Small, gradual changes in communication can make a huge difference!